How to Criticise Someone Politely Using the Hamburger Technique
It’s all about reducing the impact.
Even if intentions are good, people hate lousy criticism. That’s why you should use the hamburger technique.
The hamburger technique helps you deliver incredibly polite criticisms — whether it’s friends, family, colleagues, or even strangers — so they won’t hate you for it.
1 — Start with a Compliment
If the person gave a presentation, start by pointing out key moments you liked: “The intro was really great,” “Thank you so much for the thorough explanations, I loved your talk.”
If the person is your colleague and the issue is work-related, start by stating how insanely good their performance was a few days ago.
If the person is a family member and it’s an everyday situation, start by reminding them how much you love them.
If the person is a total stranger, start with a friendly opening. Avoid “hey excuse me!” or “You there!” use instead, “Good morning, sir/madam, how is your day going?”
2 — Deliver your criticism
When it’s time to throw the punch, start with a courteous opening. Two great examples are “Would you mind” or “Is it possible to”:
- add further details to the third point of the presentation…”
- correct two or three mistakes in the last business review…”
- put the milk back in the fridge after using it…”
- displace the car from this reserved parking space…”
Notice the lack of “you” from the conversation to make the criticism less personal and more situational. Make the problem feel like it has to do with a situation rather than the person.
3 — End with a compliment
Close the discussion with a compliment.
- Formal presentation: “This being said, I would like to thank you again so very much for this wonderful presentation. I really learned a lot.”
- Colleague: “I really appreciate you listening to what I had to say, always a pleasure talking to you.”
- Family: “I love you, honey.”
- Stranger: “I really appreciate it. Have a safe trip and a pleasant day.”
Why the Hamburger Technique works
Because you sandwiched the criticism between two layers of compliments, the blow is weak.
Your criticism is like the meat of a hamburger. Your compliments are like the top and bottom bread: the first compliment dampens the fall of the meat, while the second compliment covers the meat.
Take aways
When about to deliver criticism, never start with the criticism itself. Instead:
- open with a compliment.
- deliver your criticism. Make it as impersonal as possible.
- close with a final compliment.
You’ll resolve problems and keep excellent relations with everyone.
